Don’t pay attention to Alexis Rodriguez’s finely polished media savvy. (Don’t want to dishonor either, my ass.) By citizenship, you’re an American. You were born here. You have no actual reason, or legal basis, to play for the Dominican Team. You just don’t want to play.
So, with no further delay, my Top Ten Reason’s A-Woman’s Not Playing in the World Baseball Classic:
10. He really wanted to play short, and the Dominican’s have Miguel Tejada…
9. …and the American’s have Jeter.
8. He might get hurt.
7. More likely, he might suck ass.
6. He’s afraid of striking out four times in the Gold Medal game.
5. He’s afraid of striking out in the Semi-Finals, causing his team to miss the Gold Medal game.
4. He’s going to miss his regularly scheduled manicure.
3. “Uh, does this gig pay?”
2. If it’s got World in the Title, he want no part of it (like the World Series he’s been keeping teams out of for years.)
1. “There was nothing about this in my Scott Boras Binder.”