Girl Scout Cookies

As with most workplaces, someone here has a daughter who is a girl scout, and she came around the office selling cookies a couple of months ago.  This person was a partner, so I ordered some cookies.  (Who am I kidding?  This wasn’t a political move, those cookies are damn awesome!)

Anyway, I went online to see if I could find out when the cookies will be delivered (supposedly, GS cookies are sent out once a year, regardless of when the order is placed, and I wanted to find out when that was).

On the Girl Scout website, there’s a cookies FAQ.  Some gems:

Q: Does the chocolate used in Girl Scout Cookies come from a free trade zone or is it from cacao beans picked by children?

Basically, the person who asked this question is either (i) a really, really, really annoying woman who is the go-getter president of the homeowner’s association in the development she lives in and also PTA president or (ii) a wannabe douchebag who’s trying to get into her pants by pretending to care.

Q: Should people with diabetes buy or consume Girl Scout Cookies?

Probably not.  Unless they think the cookies are good enough to warrant losing a leg!  Come one, people!  Think for yourselves!  “Hey, do these sweet confections have sugar?”  (I wish you could see the face I was making when I typed that pretending to be severly mentally challenged.  Pretty offensive of me actually.  Sorry.)

Q: What about the concerns of those on low-carb diets?

They should know not to eat cookies!  Cookies=carbs.  It’s a pretty basic fact of life.  It’s like, page 1 of Dr. Atkins’s book.  Really?  People need to email the Girl Scouts to ask if the COOKIES are appropriate for low carb diets?  THINK!!

Q: Don’t Girl Scout Cookies contribute to the childhood obesity problem?

No, parents that let their children have an entire box in a sitting while watching TV and doing no exercise are contributing to the childhood obesity problem.

Seriously, how many of these questions are really “frequently asked”?  Because I want to meet the people that ask them and punch them in the nose.  Why is it the responsibility of the Girl Scouts, who provide an invaluable service by bringing delicious cookies to those of us who can eat them responsibly, to worry about parents who don’t understand moderation?  Look, I’m not a big believer in the “guns don’t kill people” argument, but this isn’t exactly the same.  There are plenty of bad choices a person can make in life.  You don’t hear anyone saying “DUI’s don’t kill people, drunk drivers do” as a reason to ban alcohol (hmmm…not a bad idea…stop it). 

What bugs me is that this is symptomatic of the general abdication of responsibility in American life.  Everything is someone else’s fault/problem/responsibility.  I’m a fatass, so I’ll complain the cookie makers/seller.  I’m a drunk, it’s the beer companies’ fault.  My kids sit around all day and never go outside, it’s the video games/tv/comfortable couch makers that tether them to the indoors.  How about: wow, I’m a terrible, drunk father who can’t set an example for his kids and never goes outside to play with him, so he sits on his ass playing Halo on the xBox I bought him that I can’t afford, teaching him fiscal restraint, while plowing through the six dozen boxes of girl scout cookies that I keep the house stocked with, with no other healthy food alternative available to him.  Yeah, maybe some of that is my fault?

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4 responses to “Girl Scout Cookies

  1. A-freaking-men. And I’d extend it to guns. 🙂

  2. Wait… when are the cookies being shipped?

  3. Wait… when are the cookies being shipped?

    The funniest part of the FAQ is that “When the hell am I getting my cookies” is not one of them. I never did get the answer to the question I went there to answer.

  4. Have to agree with Ezzie on the guns. It’s good that you were willing to admit that the argument can be stretched to include guns and that it’s really just a line-drawing question (i.e., where should we draw the line).

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